Thanks for your question and for carefully reading my posts. You are correct in your observations and they do seem to point to an inconsistency in what I've written.
Roberto, my ex was a much bigger threat because my affair with Roberto lasted a couple of years., and he said what I wrote to Roberto implied some wish to get back with him.
Doug and I both have had webcam "friends," and we're okay with that. Our relationship is mature enough to recognize that we both have sexual needs that will not always be met by the other.
Maybe it's when we're apart. Maybe when one of us is too stressed to be interested in sex. re on the other had is wanting some stress relief at a time with the partner just isn't interested. pr on the other hand, one is wanting to have sex to relieve some stress, but the partner isn't able or willing. And our sex drives sometimes just don't match for some other reason.
The bottom line is that two people in a committed, long-term, sexually healthy relationship will not always have sexual needs that match. Masturbation can help to balance that out, if it's done honestly and openly in the relationship.
But Roberto, I wasn't having sex. The threat of infidelity was because my contact with him was secret and it undermined trust between Doug and me. And it is my own belief that infidelity is more about disloyalty and lack of trust than it is about sex.
Thanks again for your insightful question.