Thank you for allowing me to be queer, too.

As someone who came out at forty after having been married to my wife and never having been unfaithful to her, I want to be queer, too!

Some of the harshest criticism about my delayed self-discovery has come from within the LGBTQ community. “You had to have known you were gay. You couldn’t possibly have never been with a man. You used your wife as a shield to protect you. You have no balls!”

These are comments I’ve heard. Repeatedly.

Although many of my generation hate the word “queer,” I have accepted and embraced it for the reason you’ve described: Inclusiveness.

We want — even expect — the heteronormative world to accept us and allow us to define ourselves in an alternative way. Yet, those of us in the queer community can be as guilty as the homophobes when we attempt to define “the other” rather than listening to who they say they are.