Even the Right Changes Come with a Sense of Loss
I said goodbye to the stars last night. Very little light contaminates the skies over our farm in rural Iowa, and the stars exploded across the sky like powdered sugar.
It has happened before, one night about two years ago in particular. I arrived home that night and looked up into that spectacular sky and realized — perhaps for the first time — how many stars there are. I sat in the drive way for several moments, and I looked up with tears rolling down my cheeks, thinking, “I’m not ready to give this up.” Doug and I had just begun our discussions about moving off the farm, and I couldn’t face it.
Today we signed papers to close on a townhouse in Des Moines and we will be selling the farm this fall. My reaction was much different last night.
The stars will still be there even though I won’t be seeing them, much like old lovers that changed my life for the better, but who’ve now disappeared from my life. But sometimes relationships come to an end for the right reasons.
So I said goodbye to the stars knowing they will still be there where they must be and I will be in my townhouse in Des Moines where I’ve chosen to be. The time is right for this change.
But I am secure in knowing that if I want to connect with them again that I can drive deep into the countryside and say, “Hello again. I’ve been missing you.”