I agonized for weeks about coming out to my two daughters. I finally planned a coming out picnic where I would tell them. I found a quiet spot, and when we got ready to eat, I whispered the usual "I have something to tell you..." When I said, "I'm gay," their response was similar to yours, "Oh, Dad, we already knew that. Let's eat."
Our kids grew up in worlds much different from ours. I believe your wife was correct in saying she was innocent. My wife said something similar, "We were both naive. Now we're not."
I was very idealistic about marriage and how it would fix all the problems I had. I now can recognize that I placed a substantial burden on my wife in that regard. It wasn't her job to fix me. My job was first to figure out what was wrong and then to fix it myself.