Trigger Warning: What you are about to read will be disturbing to some, but that is precisely the reason we need to think about it?
By the time I was six years old, I had attended two funerals, one for my father and a second one for Grandpa Koester. Although I was too young to have labels for my emotions, the feeling-memories were imprinted.
When I was three years old, my father was dragged to death by a team of runaway horses. …
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.
I drove my best friend, Bruce, home after my husband, Doug, and I had eaten dinner with him. When he opened the door to get out of my Camry, I shivered as premature winter-cold rushed in. But the brisk temperature outside stung less than my frigid relationship with Doug.
As Bruce stepped out of the car, I said to him, “I don’t know what’s up. Something’s really wrong between Doug and me right now.”
For a moment, Bruce sat there half in and half out of the car…
Sadly, there are no such "gay churches" in Des Moines now. When I first came out, I could visit any one of five gay bars, all with a certain theme and a crowd of regulars. They also had out-of-town visitors and closeted men just beginning to explore their "faith."
Recently, the Brass Garden closed. It was mostly a dance bar. It is in one of the oldest buildings in the East Village and is now going through a $6M renovation as gentrification has pushed these bars out of formerly low rent neighborhoods.
The other bar, called "the Saddle," has had…
The reason I call the Question Mark a church is that it was one of only a couple places in Des Moines where a queer person could walk in and feel like family.
As I read the rest of the Valentine it said, “Together on the couch, out in the world, or just texting during the day — our you-and-me time is my favorite time.” This message tugged at my heart as he’d intended.
I realized the true test of a relationship is to do nothing with someone.
Can you feel comfort, intimacy, and love even during those laid-back times?
I’m 78-years-old, and I continue to practice psychiatry. And I write. But only when I want to. Life demands less of me than it once did. …
Your thoughtful question deserves a response.
Aging definitely makes a difference. As we age, our values change. We are less driven by the tyranny of ambition. We've climbed the ladder as far as we can.
This creates a great sense of freedom to refocus on other things.
I've often written that we can measure time or experience time. When we're young, we measure it: What's on my to-do list? What time is my next meeting? With whom should I network (even if I don't like them) to advance my career.
With age, we can ask, "Whom and what do…